On Her Own Terms: Kate

Tell us a little about yourself.

Kate. 42. United Kingdom. Solo Mum to a three-year-old boy.

What made you choose solo motherhood by choice?

I always knew I wanted to be a Mum. I had a big break up at the age of 32 (wedding planned, dress bought etc.) which completely changed my circumstances. I dated in my thirties but just never found someone serious enough to start a family with.

What was your biggest fear before you started?

I think the fear of the unknown, how I might cope physically and financially, how people might perceive me, how it might impact the opportunity of meeting a partner in the future.

What surprised you the most about the journey?

I think just how natural it has actually felt. I have an amazing support network and saved very hard to have enough money to support myself and my son. When I got pregnant and told family, friends and work colleagues I was overwhelmed by the positive reaction and support.

What's one thing nobody tells you before becoming a solo mother by choice?

That you will feel such a sense of pride and empowerment. I did a huge amount of research before I made the decision to go ahead and have my son using a donor. So I feel like I knew a lot about the experiences of other women who had done it. It was a challenge to go through the fertility journey which was relatively 'straightforward' compared to some women's journeys but it was really emotionally tough. I got through it and am stronger than I ever thought possible.

What's one misconception about solo motherhood by choice you wish people would stop believing?

I think that it's somehow the second best option. For me it was the best option because I wanted to have a baby on my own terms and not be tied to the 'wrong guy' purely to be able to become a Mum. I knew in my heart I would never want to be in that position. It also hasn't been the nail in the coffin for romantic relationships. I'm now in a serious committed relationship with someone very special who has welcomed me and my son into his life. He also has a daughter and is a solo parent too so we have been able to form our own family which has been amazing and something I didn't expect to happen.

What does "finding your village" mean to you?

It's about building a support system. Just because I had my son on my own, we are by no means alone. I have a supportive family close by, friends who have helped me massively and built up a network of Mum friends for practical and emotional support.

What would you say to the woman reading this tonight, wondering if she's brave enough to take the first step?

I think just do it! It's important to take time making the decision and considering every factor but at the end of the day I don't know any Solo Mums who regret their decision. To have the option of having a baby via this route is incredible and something our ancestors may have loved to have the option of.

One last thing — is there anything we didn't ask that you'd like to share with the women reading your story?

I only started to consider solo motherhood as an option when my sister sent me a podcast interviewing solo mum by choice Liv Thorne. I then read her book, followed her on social media and in doing so found a number of women sharing their stories online. I would never have considered this route had I not been exposed to the stories of other women. Which is why I set up my own TikTok account to share my story and discuss all things solo motherhood with women on the platform. My handle is @coltswold.solo.mum.

Thank you, Kate. 🤍