On Her Own Terms: Andrea

Tell us a little about yourself.

Andrea. 43. USA. Parenting a very spirited 3-year-old girl.

What made you choose solo motherhood by choice?

I didn't want to miss my chance to be a Mom. I chose to put love on the back burner because I feel like you can find love at any age — but that's not true if you want to be a Mom and carry your own child. I also felt more pulled to be a Mom than a wife.

What was your biggest fear before you started?

Not having a village.

What surprised you the most about the journey?

I am so much more resilient than I have ever imagined. This journey was one of the hardest things I have ever done. And it continues to be hard. Every day. But it is also the best and most fulfilling. It is hands down the most intentional decision I have ever made.

What's one thing nobody tells you before becoming a solo mother by choice?

How overwhelming the mental load can be. Everyone talks about diaper and daycare costs and sleep regressions — but no one talks about how much you have to be responsible for. Every single appointment, grocery run, sick day, decision falls on you and you alone. You also don't have someone sitting in the house with you at night to share the milestones and glimmers that occurred that day.

What's one misconception about solo motherhood by choice you wish people would stop believing?

That it is something that happened to me. I very much chose this.

What does "finding your village" mean to you?

I truly thought my village would be built in with family and friends — but it was very much the opposite, except for a rare few. My Mom: I couldn't have done this without her. She has been on this journey with me from day one. And along the way, I have created an amazing community of other Single Moms by Choice. The group chat is going 24/7 and we get together regularly.

What would you say to the woman reading this tonight… wondering if she's brave enough to take the first step?

You are. If it's something that has crossed your mind more than one time — do it. It will be the best thing you have ever done. Hard, yes, but sooooo worth it.

One last thing…

If you want to be a Mom, you will. There are so many ways. It's just up to you to decide how far you will go to make it happen. There is ART. Surrogacy. Embryo Adoption. Adoption. So many things you can do to get your happy ending.

And also — if this is the path you decide to go down, start before when you think you will be ready. This is an emotionally grueling process. Most of us are not the exception to the rule, and it takes time — more for some than others. I wish I knew what I know now and started earlier, so that I could have that much more time with my girl.

Follow Andrea on Instagram: **@mamaonmyterms**

Thank you, Andrea, for trusting ama. with your story. ♥